handelaar | (no subject)

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[The tent was old and way too big for just two people, but he'd gotten it years ago for cheap and like hell was he gonna go buy a new one when this one did the job. Well, as long as it didn't rain - from his crouch at the entrance he looked up between the trees - still clear skies, mild weather, and a light evening breeze.

Maybe he should try to find a tarp anyway. The house might be 15 meters away but goddamnit they were camping, and if it rained they were gonna be prepared. He took a moment to stick his head back into the tent, going over all the supplies for the eleventh time... Finally pulled back and stood to light a cigarette, satisfied.]

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Mm.

[Which... isn't an answer so much as a happy little hum, and he lets them slip into silence for a minute as he sorts his thoughts out. The scratching is nice. Distracting, yeah, but nice. That poor cigarette has burnt out on its own, so he sets it down and plucks at the grass around it.]

Hoped that - [a lightly frustrated little huff] - we could be like this, I guess.

[That doesn't begin to convey what he means; he sounds a bit put out with the explanation.]

And now that we are? How do you feel now?

[ Knows that might be asking too much for him to try and convey into words but she's gonna try. ]

[He just snorts and brushes his fingers against her stomach, a fleeting tickle, because like she really has to ask.]

[ Now she's grinning to herself because she does know. She knows he's happy and that makes her immensely happy. ]

Do you think, if we were human-- things would be this way still?

[ Is going to fry his brain tonight. ]

....

[He shifts so that his knees are up around her and his elbows are balanced on his knees, clasping her in a protective little cage of limbs while he thinks.]

I can't - [Sigh. It's really hard for him to imagine being human, or not knowing her for what seems like forever.] If we were kids that grew up with each other, or somethin'.

[ She relaxes and rests against his arms and legs, head still resting comfortably on his shoulder as he thinks for a while. What a time to want to get deep, when he's high, possibly a little drunk and very tired after his sex high. ]

Say circumstances hadn't changed much. We'd known each other as long as we have only in human years and we were like this right now. How would you feel then?

[The only difference was that they weren't countries, huh... Again he slips into silence, but he reaches to take her hand, thumb stroking over her knuckles as he thinks, just to let her know that he hasn't zoned out on her. Just human. On the one hand, he's not sure if it would change how he felt - on the other.]

...I'd want you t'move in with me.

[That quiet wish wouldn't sound as careful and loaded as it does.]

[ She smiles to herself as he plays with her hand, liking the feel of calloused thumbs over her smooth knuckles. It's such a small gesture but so sincere and sweet she can't help but feel a butterfly or two form in her stomach.

She lets him think, lets him take his time and go at his own pace like she ~~almost~~always does. She knows he's mulling it over and it's such a silly question but she needs to feed her curiousity. She almost doesn't expect that answer... thought it, but didn't expect it from him. ]

Really?

I think.

[Still sounding careful, but a little unsure now that it's out in the open like that. Then he clears his throat and distracts himself with mutters about the practical aspects.]

It'd be cheaper, too.

[ She can't help but laugh at that. She knows what it's trying to do and it's actually almost cute. ]

You'd want me to move in... but I'd be the one suggesting it.

[ There. She hopes that puts him at ease. ]

[It's actually her laughter that puts him at ease rather than the words, because he's not sure he gets where he said that. Did he say that? Hell, maybe. Hard to tell with his head in the clouds.]

Uh. I guess.

[And then he sets his chin on top of her head and sighs.]

I dunno what I meant.

[ She feels his chin rest on her head and she tilts her head back a little to try and look at him. ]

I would want to be with you.

[He tilts his head forward and blinks down at her, open for a long few seconds - he likes that too, and indulges in that fantasy for a minute - before he pulls back, but not away.]

Well, we're not human.

A shame, really. We'd have shorter lives but think of all the things we could have done together...

[ And then she blushes because a lot of those things are a little too deep. ]

...

[That hold just got a little tighter.]

No it's not.

[A shame, he means. It's hard for him to imagine them being anything but them, and even if it would've made things easier, he's not sure he wants it.]

[ She sighs and rests back heavily against him, head turning back and upwards to nose at his jaw, pressing light kisses to his skin and hesitating for a moment before before murmuring against his skin, a tone low and sweet and meant only for him. ]

I'd wanna marry you.

[ And with that she's pulling away, because it's her turn to shy away from the words and the feelings. That was very deep, even for her and his reaction might be too much for her. ]

[FLUSTERED. Even if he doesn't jerk away, like he would've not even a few months ago, it's still obvious in the way he tenses. He would, he really would, but. And there's the thing. That one thing he's never been sure if they could reconcile, despite her reassurances to the contrary.]

I don't - [He can be tied to people, but bound is something else entirely, and he doesn't want to bring it up again because he thought they'd discussed this, and even then she'd called him an idiot over it.] I...

[And he still has enough residual Church feelings that marriage means a lot, even now. But. It's his turn to flush because even as she says it he can only think of how damn radiant she'd look in an expensive dress she'd only use once at the end of the aisle.
How it'd still probably be the happiest moment of his life, and wow, if that isn't sappy as hell.
But.]

I'd, uh. Want to.

[But. He doesn't know if he could.]

[ She knows. She KNOWS. That's why she didn't say she WOULD marry him, just that she'd want to. And honestly, the thought of going through it-- of saying the words and making the promise and how he doesn't take promises lightly... it's overwhelming but it's out there now. He can take it how he wants.

She's already in the tent and covering herself up under the open sleeping bags (since individual ones was simply not an option for him) when he answers, pulling them up to her chest as she glances at him through the tent flap before laying down on the pillow. ]

[He really shouldn't feel this bad. Really. It's all wrapped in what-if, in fantasy and speculation, in history he was hoping to shed, and she knows, and he's not lying, and they know, so why should he.

He does anyway and that is frustrating. He doesn't know how to fix it and he hates not knowing.

She crawls to the tent and covers up and he feels terrible, anyway.]

Nevermind.

[Plucking his smoke from the grass, then.]

[ She lets out a low sigh, curling up on her side and waiting for him to come back in. Needless to say, that conversation didn't go the way she wanted and now she feels low for letting that high they were on go south. ]

[He scowls down at the cigarette like he can light it through force of will, glances up at her through his messy bangs, and sighs as he sets it down again. It'll get ruined in the morning dew but whatever. Instead he reaches over to the cooler, yanks out a slice of cheese, and awkwardly shuffles himself into the tent on three limbs.]

[ She glances over when she hears the tent flap shift, noticing the cheese in his hand and looking at him curiously. ]

Cheese?

Uh. Yeah.

[Awkward, maybe, and definitely not worthy, but he holds it out like a peace offering anyway. While he feels bad that she is (was?) upset, it's not like they just had a huge blow-out.]

[ She's not upset-- and no peace offering needs to be given. She sits up a little and breaks off a small piece at the end. ]

Thank you.

[Well, a Nederland will always be a Nederland.

On that note he shoves the entire slice into her hand. He's got a tent flap to zip up.]

(no subject)

gdi self don't tag while sleepy what are those quotes doing there

lol It's cool.

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Totally replying from a display mac at work. Fucking overnight shift.

Gross. Went to bed at 7 PM, woke up at midnight, can't get back to sleep now.

I know. It's lame. I'm almost done with my shift though. Just working on signs now.

Go go!

I ended up staying 45 minutes late because NONE of the printers in the store wanted to print. >|

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