handelaar | (no subject)

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[The tent was old and way too big for just two people, but he'd gotten it years ago for cheap and like hell was he gonna go buy a new one when this one did the job. Well, as long as it didn't rain - from his crouch at the entrance he looked up between the trees - still clear skies, mild weather, and a light evening breeze.

Maybe he should try to find a tarp anyway. The house might be 15 meters away but goddamnit they were camping, and if it rained they were gonna be prepared. He took a moment to stick his head back into the tent, going over all the supplies for the eleventh time... Finally pulled back and stood to light a cigarette, satisfied.]

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I think.

[Still sounding careful, but a little unsure now that it's out in the open like that. Then he clears his throat and distracts himself with mutters about the practical aspects.]

It'd be cheaper, too.

[ She can't help but laugh at that. She knows what it's trying to do and it's actually almost cute. ]

You'd want me to move in... but I'd be the one suggesting it.

[ There. She hopes that puts him at ease. ]

[It's actually her laughter that puts him at ease rather than the words, because he's not sure he gets where he said that. Did he say that? Hell, maybe. Hard to tell with his head in the clouds.]

Uh. I guess.

[And then he sets his chin on top of her head and sighs.]

I dunno what I meant.

[ She feels his chin rest on her head and she tilts her head back a little to try and look at him. ]

I would want to be with you.

[He tilts his head forward and blinks down at her, open for a long few seconds - he likes that too, and indulges in that fantasy for a minute - before he pulls back, but not away.]

Well, we're not human.

A shame, really. We'd have shorter lives but think of all the things we could have done together...

[ And then she blushes because a lot of those things are a little too deep. ]

...

[That hold just got a little tighter.]

No it's not.

[A shame, he means. It's hard for him to imagine them being anything but them, and even if it would've made things easier, he's not sure he wants it.]

[ She sighs and rests back heavily against him, head turning back and upwards to nose at his jaw, pressing light kisses to his skin and hesitating for a moment before before murmuring against his skin, a tone low and sweet and meant only for him. ]

I'd wanna marry you.

[ And with that she's pulling away, because it's her turn to shy away from the words and the feelings. That was very deep, even for her and his reaction might be too much for her. ]

[FLUSTERED. Even if he doesn't jerk away, like he would've not even a few months ago, it's still obvious in the way he tenses. He would, he really would, but. And there's the thing. That one thing he's never been sure if they could reconcile, despite her reassurances to the contrary.]

I don't - [He can be tied to people, but bound is something else entirely, and he doesn't want to bring it up again because he thought they'd discussed this, and even then she'd called him an idiot over it.] I...

[And he still has enough residual Church feelings that marriage means a lot, even now. But. It's his turn to flush because even as she says it he can only think of how damn radiant she'd look in an expensive dress she'd only use once at the end of the aisle.
How it'd still probably be the happiest moment of his life, and wow, if that isn't sappy as hell.
But.]

I'd, uh. Want to.

[But. He doesn't know if he could.]

[ She knows. She KNOWS. That's why she didn't say she WOULD marry him, just that she'd want to. And honestly, the thought of going through it-- of saying the words and making the promise and how he doesn't take promises lightly... it's overwhelming but it's out there now. He can take it how he wants.

She's already in the tent and covering herself up under the open sleeping bags (since individual ones was simply not an option for him) when he answers, pulling them up to her chest as she glances at him through the tent flap before laying down on the pillow. ]

[He really shouldn't feel this bad. Really. It's all wrapped in what-if, in fantasy and speculation, in history he was hoping to shed, and she knows, and he's not lying, and they know, so why should he.

He does anyway and that is frustrating. He doesn't know how to fix it and he hates not knowing.

She crawls to the tent and covers up and he feels terrible, anyway.]

Nevermind.

[Plucking his smoke from the grass, then.]

[ She lets out a low sigh, curling up on her side and waiting for him to come back in. Needless to say, that conversation didn't go the way she wanted and now she feels low for letting that high they were on go south. ]

[He scowls down at the cigarette like he can light it through force of will, glances up at her through his messy bangs, and sighs as he sets it down again. It'll get ruined in the morning dew but whatever. Instead he reaches over to the cooler, yanks out a slice of cheese, and awkwardly shuffles himself into the tent on three limbs.]

[ She glances over when she hears the tent flap shift, noticing the cheese in his hand and looking at him curiously. ]

Cheese?

Uh. Yeah.

[Awkward, maybe, and definitely not worthy, but he holds it out like a peace offering anyway. While he feels bad that she is (was?) upset, it's not like they just had a huge blow-out.]

[ She's not upset-- and no peace offering needs to be given. She sits up a little and breaks off a small piece at the end. ]

Thank you.

[Well, a Nederland will always be a Nederland.

On that note he shoves the entire slice into her hand. He's got a tent flap to zip up.]

[ Whoa whoa... ]

Y-You aren't upset, are you? About what I said?

[He pauses halfway through, and while he can't bring himself to deny it, he can't bring himself to tell a lie, either.]

Mm... sorta. Not -

[Huff and ragged zip closed. He's not upset with her, he's upset with him.]

[ She sighs and brings her knees up, holding the sleeping bag up to cover herself. ]

I...I'm sorry.

Don't.

[It's soft, even if he's not looking back. Don't be sorry, don't curl up like that, don't take him seriously because, really, if she waits he'll get it out of his system. And most importantly, don't, because it doesn't change anything.]

I just... didn't mean it upset you is all.

You didn't.

[A lie and a truth all wrapped up at once, and even he's not sure which is which. It's both. She didn't, at least not until she left his side. And she didn't... not really.]

Then why are you making it seem like I did?

[Huff.]

You didn't.

[How's that.]

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(no subject)

Go go!

I ended up staying 45 minutes late because NONE of the printers in the store wanted to print. >|

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