[Because he is not, unlike certain other people in the room who are too worried to recognize the irony in having such a thought, a reckless little shit.
Seeing Netherlands actually show his concern softens her a little, drains some of the fight from her. Having him hold her hand instead of her arm isn't exactly an improvement - at least the arm felt honest - but she sighs, nods, starts to agree and interrupts herself.]
Wait.
[Her hand goes from limply tolerating his grip to an insistent squeeze as the thought hits.]
If you see him, what're you gonna say?
[The kid can run like a steam engine, and they already know he's perfectly capable of throwing the man. If he gets it wrong again, she might have to cancel her bet on the hallways deal.]
[He's holding her hand more for his personal reassurance than out of a wish to keep her in place. She doesn't look like she's going to take off at any second and she's said she wouldn't search out there, and unless Takeshi makes a break for it he believes her - so he's pretty sure he could let go if he wanted to. But she squeezes his hand and he squeezes back automatically, chin jerking up as he snaps to attention, only for his face to fall, shoulders slightly slumped because he has no fucking clue.]
I dunno. [The other hand rakes through his hair as he frowns.] What should I... [Sigh.] Besides apologize.
[Even he's not that horrible at socialization. Definitely gotta apologize. But the rest he desperately needs some guidance with and even if Heather isn't great at tact in general she's wonderful with Takeshi.]
And tell 'im - mm.
[Easier to show than say, so he reaches up to lightly tap two fingers over her heart.]
that's not going to cut it. It's hard for him, she gets that, but Takeshi is five and lonely and hurting. She sighs, and it's a sound born of knowing she's going to ask for something to which the answer'll probably be no.]
I don't think he's gonna get that. I won't ask you to lie to him and act like you're okay with being what he wants, but I know you can be what he needs.
[She's clinging to his hand now, and barely aware of her grip.]
He won't? [Genuine confusion in his voice, expression too. Takeshi's smart and it seems like an obvious enough gesture, but - he purses his mouth.] Or it won't be good enough, you mean.
[Then that won't do. Takeshi deserves the best. He makes up his mind right there, that yes, he's going to, and though that's not what he says he may as well. Someone as familiar with his body language as she is probably knows what that sudden determination means. New task to take care of.]
I'll try.
[He picks up her hand and puts it in both of his, rubs smoothing motions with his thumbs. Briefly casts a glance out to the hallway before looking down at their hands.]
I like being what he - [sigh, and another glance toward the door, like he has to make sure they're not being listened to] - why the hell does the name matter so much.
[The kid's smart as hell, smarter that she was at his age (any of the.. three times she was his age), but he's also a kid. How's he supposed to believe they love him when neither of them understood what he was asking until it was too late unless they tell him? But then Netherlands is picking himself up like he does and she's both relieved and briefly, stupidly, selfishly jealous.
It only lasts a heartbeat, until he cradles her hand in his, and then she's shaking her head as he speaks.]
'cause it makes it more real? 'cause he's never had a matching set?
[She sighs, drops her face. Brushes her lips over the knuckles of one of his hands, not a kiss so much as a wordless apology. Why Takeshi left isn't important. What matters is that they bring him back.]
I don't get it either, but if he needs me to let him call me mom before he believes it then I'll do it.
[That one little touch does wonders for soothing his nerves and instead of brooding over the why he tilts his head, eyes warm, gives her a weak little smile of thanks instead of leaning forward to kiss her like he wants to. At least they're good again, from the looks of it.
The warmth fades away over a few confused blinks as he takes apart that last sentence and puts it together again, and isn't sure if he gets it or not.]
Uh. Y'mean he won't believe it unless I let 'im call me family.
[Kids, how do they fucking work. He looks pretty damn horrified about that statement, though, and he's hoping he misinterpreted it.]
[The fact there's a but there is pretty obvious, really. It'd be a hell of a lot easier if he did, but no matter how hard Takeshi might want it there's no way Netherlands is going to be able to sell it.]
Just let him know how you feel. Once he gets that, the words aren't gonna matter so much.
[She'd know. And she'll do the heavy lifting, the words and the explaining. It'll work. It has to.]
[A grunt, and he shakes his head - no, he really doesn't think it'll be that easy, as much as he'd like to believe her. But if it looks like it's going to be either losing Takeshi or putting up with being called dad, the choice isn't even a choice.]
You didn't hear him. It - it matters. A lot. Don't think he understands what I am -
[Shit, his voice is sounding kind of ragged and he can't get that choked not fair out of his head. Focus, moron, find the goddamned kid and save the rest of the bitching for Lodewijk, after. So he clears his throat and gives her hand a squeeze of thanks, wonders for a second if he should tell her he's nervous or if it's written all over his face anyway - decides that it won't accomplish anything but wasting precious time and keeps his mouth shut.]
[That seems... obvious. She doesn't understand what he is either. Knows the theory, sees some of the ways it makes him different, how it weighs on him, but understanding? That's a big ask. Then again, it's not really the point.]
Probably not. But he knows you.
[Because they're two different things, as far as she can see, and the latter is infinitely more important. Looking at his face, the anxiety painted clear on it, she wants to do something - kiss him, tell him she's sorry for what she said - but there's really only one thing that's going to make them feel better.]
We're gonna fix this.
[An answering squeeze and then she loosens her fingers, starts to draw her hand back. We have to go, Netherlands.]
[But he knows you basically short-circuits whatever he was thinking of, and after blinking and knitting his brows and pursing his mouth before opening it only to snap it shut again, the rest of what she said filters in and he latches onto that instead.
He lets her hand go and shoves his into his pockets, sends another fretting look out the door. If she finds Takeshi first, maybe, because he's still not convinced he'll be able to do more than fuck everything up all over again without her around.
[Probably didn't need saying. There's something that does though, after all her shouting and accusing, so before she goes - already plotting out paths and an inventory - she raises her hand and presses it briefly over his heart before she turns and crosses into her own room.]
He spends a few wasted moments being sappy and rubbing his hand over his heart while looking after her as she goes.
That's actually very reassuring, so he nods to himself, looks around the room, and bucks up. Goes out on the hunt for one pain in the ass child who isn't even his but who should be.]
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[Because he is not, unlike certain other people in the room who are too worried to recognize the irony in having such a thought, a reckless little shit.
Seeing Netherlands actually show his concern softens her a little, drains some of the fight from her. Having him hold her hand instead of her arm isn't exactly an improvement - at least the arm felt honest - but she sighs, nods, starts to agree and interrupts herself.]
Wait.
[Her hand goes from limply tolerating his grip to an insistent squeeze as the thought hits.]
If you see him, what're you gonna say?
[The kid can run like a steam engine, and they already know he's perfectly capable of throwing the man. If he gets it wrong again, she might have to cancel her bet on the hallways deal.]
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I dunno. [The other hand rakes through his hair as he frowns.] What should I... [Sigh.] Besides apologize.
[Even he's not that horrible at socialization. Definitely gotta apologize. But the rest he desperately needs some guidance with and even if Heather isn't great at tact in general she's wonderful with Takeshi.]
And tell 'im - mm.
[Easier to show than say, so he reaches up to lightly tap two fingers over her heart.]
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that's not going to cut it. It's hard for him, she gets that, but Takeshi is five and lonely and hurting. She sighs, and it's a sound born of knowing she's going to ask for something to which the answer'll probably be no.]
I don't think he's gonna get that. I won't ask you to lie to him and act like you're okay with being what he wants, but I know you can be what he needs.
[She's clinging to his hand now, and barely aware of her grip.]
You think you could tell him? Just once?
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[Then that won't do. Takeshi deserves the best. He makes up his mind right there, that yes, he's going to, and though that's not what he says he may as well. Someone as familiar with his body language as she is probably knows what that sudden determination means. New task to take care of.]
I'll try.
[He picks up her hand and puts it in both of his, rubs smoothing motions with his thumbs. Briefly casts a glance out to the hallway before looking down at their hands.]
I like being what he - [sigh, and another glance toward the door, like he has to make sure they're not being listened to] - why the hell does the name matter so much.
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It only lasts a heartbeat, until he cradles her hand in his, and then she's shaking her head as he speaks.]
'cause it makes it more real? 'cause he's never had a matching set?
[She sighs, drops her face. Brushes her lips over the knuckles of one of his hands, not a kiss so much as a wordless apology. Why Takeshi left isn't important. What matters is that they bring him back.]
I don't get it either, but if he needs me to let him call me mom before he believes it then I'll do it.
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The warmth fades away over a few confused blinks as he takes apart that last sentence and puts it together again, and isn't sure if he gets it or not.]
Uh. Y'mean he won't believe it unless I let 'im call me family.
[Kids, how do they fucking work. He looks pretty damn horrified about that statement, though, and he's hoping he misinterpreted it.]
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[The fact there's a but there is pretty obvious, really. It'd be a hell of a lot easier if he did, but no matter how hard Takeshi might want it there's no way Netherlands is going to be able to sell it.]
Just let him know how you feel. Once he gets that, the words aren't gonna matter so much.
[She'd know. And she'll do the heavy lifting, the words and the explaining. It'll work. It has to.]
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You didn't hear him. It - it matters. A lot. Don't think he understands what I am -
[Shit, his voice is sounding kind of ragged and he can't get that choked not fair out of his head. Focus, moron, find the goddamned kid and save the rest of the bitching for Lodewijk, after. So he clears his throat and gives her hand a squeeze of thanks, wonders for a second if he should tell her he's nervous or if it's written all over his face anyway - decides that it won't accomplish anything but wasting precious time and keeps his mouth shut.]
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Probably not. But he knows you.
[Because they're two different things, as far as she can see, and the latter is infinitely more important. Looking at his face, the anxiety painted clear on it, she wants to do something - kiss him, tell him she's sorry for what she said - but there's really only one thing that's going to make them feel better.]
We're gonna fix this.
[An answering squeeze and then she loosens her fingers, starts to draw her hand back. We have to go, Netherlands.]
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He lets her hand go and shoves his into his pockets, sends another fretting look out the door. If she finds Takeshi first, maybe, because he's still not convinced he'll be able to do more than fuck everything up all over again without her around.
Something else to discuss with Lodewijk, then.]
Okay. Tell me if - y'know.
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[Probably didn't need saying. There's something that does though, after all her shouting and accusing, so before she goes - already plotting out paths and an inventory - she raises her hand and presses it briefly over his heart before she turns and crosses into her own room.]
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He spends a few wasted moments being sappy and rubbing his hand over his heart while looking after her as she goes.
That's actually very reassuring, so he nods to himself, looks around the room, and bucks up. Goes out on the hunt for one pain in the ass child who isn't even his but who should be.]