[Oh, that sad little smile. She could argue that it's nice anyway, but it seems like a lot of effort. She reaches for him instead, rests a hand just above his knee and squeezes briefly - reassurance, gratitude, a few other things less easy to define - before she turns her attention back to the soup.]
Mm. I'll remember that. [She won't ask, though. Murphy's probably as cut up about this as she is, he just handles it differently.] This is good.
What did you want to talk about?
[Because he's avoiding it, and that makes her nervous.]
[Goddamnit. His huff isn't nearly as irritated as it should be and while he'd like to blame it on something other than that brief moment of affection, well. Funny how you miss the little things without even realizing. He brushes her shoulder as he shifts, picks up a spoon and steals away some applesauce while he thinks.]
Takeshi's lock. [One tap of the spoon to the edge of the container; he's numbering things off.] Your lock. Ward an' Resnik.
[Which sounds like it's unrelated but given what locked conversations he has access to, he doubts it. A few taps as he glances over at her and he puts the spoon down again, lowers his voice until it's so quiet she might have to lean in to catch it.]
[To her credit, she doesn't actually drop her spoon and spatter them both with soup. She sets it down carefully and take a moment to turn that information over in her head before she responds to it.]
Shit.
[Real eloquent, Heather, well done. But he already said that's all the information he has, there's no point in peppering him with the million questions that spring to mind.]
Ward and Resnik go missing just when two guys who ought to be dead show up demanding to see the captain. That's not suspicious at all. [Huff.] Well, it's not like they were around much anyway.
Do we know if access to anything we'd normally need access to is affected? I mean the gardens are fine, obviously, and this place seems okay. No problems in engineering they're keeping quiet?
[That's about the response he was expecting, and he hums and drums his fingers on the table as she speaks thinking that maybe it could've waited until she'd finished eating.]
Everything else seems normal. So far.
[He leans back and sighs, launches into the reason he's telling her and not Russia - he's hoping she won't blab, even though he can guess what she'll think of it. Maybe he should've kept it to himself but he needed to discuss it someone and it's part of the reason for being such a pain in the ass about codes to go along with the locks.]
They're not tellin' everyone unless something else happens. Just department heads. Don't want some idiot to try another mutiny.
[So they're not all going to suffocate or freeze in the near future. Good to know. He continues and she gives him a head-tilted, assessing sort of a look. Maybe it's just that he trusts her and wanted someone to talk it over with, but there's a convenience in taking news that isn't supposed to be shared to someone who has both a vested interest in keeping him on-side and limited contact with anyone conscious.
Or maybe this place is just making her more cynical than normal.
Still, no matter the reason he chose her she's glad he did. And "they" - security, she presumes - are right. She can think of three people off the top of her head who'd take the news as a cue to storm the bridge.]
Right. As long as everything's still working, morons thinking they can take over and fly home is a way bigger risk. Business as usual until there's a solid lead or clear danger. 's a good plan.
[oh, click]
That's why you were getting antsy about the room access thing?
Yeah. And the emergency broadcast, couple jumps ago. [Imposters.] Don't trust these.
[He taps his wrist, outlining the shapes of the tattoo with his fingers. It's the first time he's really paid attention to the fact that the jumpsuits are designed to show off the damned things, and he frowns at the SCI before lingering on the 002. Keeps them there, worrying at it, a push and drag over the skin that he doesn't even notice because he looks at her and wonders if his speculations will do more harm than good. She hates being in the dark, but he doesn't want her to break, either. If she's having him take care of the mask it's gotta be bad.]
Takeshi's oh-one-one.
[A lick of his lips and - maybe he should leave it there but she'll think of it soon if she hasn't already. The only person who should have access to Takeshi's room is Takeshi, as far as he's concerned.]
If somethin' happens he needs to be able to lock himself - [his frown falters, no, that's not the right wording] - to keep us out if he has to.
A broadcast about impostors, and then the sudden reappearance of passengers who'd been reported dead. She could kick herself for not putting it together sooner (but then again, she did take a blow to the head right after the broadcast) and she closes her eyes for a moment, taking a slow breath.]
He said they'd be checking passengers nanites to make sure they were who they said they were. But something they were doing didn't turn out right, because they're all toast.
[She groans, rubs at the back of her neck - it's not just frustration, sleeping in a chair is a shitty idea - and shakes her head.]
I thought bringing him closer would make him safer. I could keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't go running off trying to save the damn world every time something goes down. Damn it.
[She got most of his worries in one, and he's back to drumming his fingers - along his wrist this time - as he nods, throws her a grim sort of agreement. It's a lot easier to discuss it with her, which means that it's hard to keep from rolling out all of his worries all at once, sure that she'll be able to follow along no problem. Kind of like talking to Konoe in that way. And in this instance she probably feels about as raw as Konoe can. (In the back of his mind he makes a note to bring the locks up with Konoe, too.)]
S'why you need a backup, on yours.
[Just making a point to say that first, because she's not thinking about herself at all is she. Not thinking about herself by staying down here, either, and his eyes narrow a bit as he watches her work at her neck.]
Is safer, unless somethin' happens - like that - or when half the damn ship got the plague. We'd be first.
[And he doesn't mean the first to get the plague. Illness, though, you could call it that.]
I'll mess around with it, see if there's an override. Lockdown or something. Take them out if I can't.
[Not that it's a solution, really. Still not going to help if the actual people end up twisted and wrong, or if the impostors somehow pick up information from the originals, but it's better than nothing and if it'll give him peace of mind it's worthwhile.
She'll have to do it, too. She's pretty sure he's not above coming to her room just to see if the door still opens for him. It's a little overprotective and paternal, but right now she's not as uncomfortable with the idea as she maybe should be. Leans in towards him a little, bumping her shoulder against his arm.]
I'm not gonna tell Takeshi. Don't wanna scare him. But I won't help him program anyone in and I'll make sure he knows to be careful. He's still got access to his old room too, he can go there if things get bad.
[But the thought of things going that far is rough, and she plants her elbow on her knees and her face in her hands, sighing into her palms. Sometimes it feels like the whole ship's just holding its breath, waiting for the next round of shit to hit the fan. Waiting for the incident they won't be able to beat, the disaster they won't recover from.]
[The first only gets him to stop drumming and fidgeting, thanks murmured low as she speaks. He brushes back against her shoulder, sighs before he picks up where she leaves off.]
Right. Not many people left anyway. An' he could beat up half the floor, if he had to.
[For the most part it's good that Takeshi's that strong, but there's still an edge of annoyance in the statement. The part where it's not good is dangerous, has been or it's been a near miss, for him and Kazama and even the kid himself. It's shoved aside quick enough as he takes a long, quiet moment to watch her, surprised when it kind of pangs to see the way she holds herself, screams fix it at him almost as insistently as if she was crying rather than looking completely morose.
Enough time for a deep breath and he wraps his arm around her to tug her close, reaches to grab her spoon and he's not sure if that's a tease or a threat.]
Y'look -
[Sad. Tired. Worried. Stressed. Too thin in too many different ways and rumpled and not exactly ragged but. Something. He's not sure why he even started to say anything, seems useless to point it out when she probably knows.]
[It's too easy to move with the press of his arm, to lean her head in to his shoulder. It's one of the things that scares her the most about what they've heard, what might be happening. She spent a long time - not for him, but definitely for her - alone after her father died. And yeah, part of that was just being fucked up, but a good deal of it was believing that loving people just gave life another way to hurt you. If he came to her door, offering comfort or asking for it - if Takeshi came in tears, or Alex hurt and confused - she'd let them in before she'd think to interrogate them, to make sure they were real.]
Thanks for taking the mask, by the way. I just... have a bad feeling. Don't want it there when I get back.
[There's a grunt that says all too clearly that he doesn't like that she looks that bad, but that's another one of those obvious things. This close is close enough that he doesn't much notice when he pulls her just that little bit tighter, thumbs over her shoulder and noses at her temple as he nods, spoon idly flipping in the fingers of his other hand.]
Don't hafta thank me for that. Suck if somethin' happened.
[She really, really doesn't have to thank him, but the thought of saying anything else leaves him with a gross feeling while they're like this. Not that he knows what else to say, so silently holding her and listening might have to do.]
[There's an air of the confessional about it, but it the first time she's ever been on this side of that grille. He pulls her tighter and she loops an arm around his waist, both grateful and opportunistic, figuring that once she finishes what she's trying to say she's not going to have a leg to stand on if he pushes her away and calls her a damn fool.]
I nearly put it on. When Murphy was missing. It's the only time I've held it and not just felt... shame. And fear. After everything I know about what they do, I still nearly put it on.
[Even if he wanted to pull away he can't - and yeah, he's upset, but other than his fingers tightening on her shoulder for a brief moment he doesn't make a move. She doesn't have it now and that's the important part. He sighs and spends a moment repeating it to himself before he says anything.]
Should've asked someone sooner.
[Of course it's easy to say that now, when he's the one she gave it to after all.]
Lot harder to get rid of it, after the first time. [A hum, because when he thinks about what she's said before he figures she'd be like him. After it showed him what he wanted there was no going back.] Second time.
[Ask who? Murphy was missing, trying to pin Alex down had been like trying to pick up water. And she's pretty sure that all it would take is the right push in the right place for Asato to hand it straight back to her if she asked, and just treating him like that would feel like a point of no return all on its own.
Kinda sad, when the only person you can trust with your burden is a person you couldn't trust with his own.]
Whatever, it's done now.
[And she doesn't sound happy about that, but it's disappointment in herself that weighs the words down rather than any desire for the thing. She lifts a hand, slowly turning the container of soup around on the tray. It's an idle, distracted sort of movement, a mirror to the way her thoughts loop around.]
Murph's back. Alex is... stable. Something's up with the bridge, but nothing that puts anyone in immediate danger. I guess the most I have to worry about right now is figuring out a way to tell if my friends are really my friends or messed-up creepy doppelgangers. It's practically a holiday.
[If she'd said that he'd point out that it's probably better that way; he knows exactly how easy it is to keep sabotaging yourself because of them and has a vested interest in keeping her from doing the same thing, fuck what she thinks about either of them being able to handle it.
She doesn't and he's happy to drop it anyway, sure that if they keep talking about it she'll second-guess the decision. Although if she doesn't use that spoon to eat, soon, he's going to start bitching or take some drastic measures or both.]
Questions might work. Somethin' only you'd know, that kinda shit.
[He doesn't sound very sure as to whether it would work or not. Wouldn't, if your impostor had your memories.]
Might. It's probably best not to get ahead of ourselves. The more invested I am in a plan the harder it's gonna be to come up with something new if it's a wash.
[Not the same thing, she knows, but she can't help thinking of the demon. It had been inside her body and had access to all her memories, and it had done a lot of damage before anybody figured out Christo. Trying to think of ways to beat a threat before they know what the threat is takes more energy than she has right now. Just focus on what you know, Heather.
Or what you don't. A very obvious question that should have occurred to her right away filters through the fog and makes her tense up, stiffening against him.]
[Well he'd rather have a plan rather than no plan (along with quite a few backup plans), and he's about to say as much when she asks the same thing he did. He didn't get a very detailed answer and didn't think to push it at the time, though, and now that she's the one asking he feels dumb for letting it sit there.]
Autopilot. Shoulda asked more questions, but, uh. Was talkin' about the department.
[Always been the can't see the forest for the trees type. Whoops.]
[Of course he was. Sigh. Well, she probably should have asked more questions to start with instead of reacting like a dog chasing its tail, and plans are easier with more facts.]
What do you know? Where's the information coming from? Is anybody doing anything about it?
[She punctuates by sticking a spoonful of soup in her mouth, which isn't a conscious encouragement to get him to play along so much as an indication that it's His Turn to talk.
Don't know much more. Tyke took her dogs to meet Ward, found him missing, sent a message to the rest of us. Asked if it was autopilot or we were driftin' - Kirk told me. Most of the conversations were - [shrug. You know.] - guessing.
[Of course, there's also Where's the Information Coming From Pt. II, but that answer is easier to show than tell. He digs his comms out of his pocket and spends a few minutes bringing this up. Shows her, even if he doesn't let go of the thing, just waits to see if she sees what he sees there.]
[The explanation gets a frown, the file a deeper one.]
I never actually read this. I just assumed it was gonna be really condescending.
[And she's... not wrong. After the first two questions - the second of which she really wishes she'd read the first time the thing went out - it seems to degenerate pretty quickly. But if there's something hidden there, some big clue, she's way too worn-out to see it.]
Is this the same as the first one? Do we know how long those two got away with lying to us about where we're going?
[A grunt as she reads, agreeing - he never bothered much with it either, until after the mask shit. Didn't bother with the network as a whole nearly as much for that matter.]
Dunno. Only started checkin' it a couple jumps ago.
[The more annoying thing to him:]
Don't remember an announcement. Ever.
[Why the hell is it in the FAQ if no one else seems to know it? He glances over at her with a frown, wondering if it happened and blew over before he started paying attention or maybe when he was out of it or - something.]
[She sets her jaw, clenches her teeth so hard it actually clicks. Keeping what may be a temporary situation under wraps for the safety of the ship is one thing, but this seems so calculatedly underhanded. Never making an announcement, just putting the information somewhere where new faces won't think to question it and the people who've been around a while generally won't have reason to look.]
[Jesus Christ, his intention in coming down wasn't to give her a stroke, even if her angry is so much better than her moping and he can't blame her for it one bit. Maybe he'd be just as pissed, should be just as pissed, except that they have no idea where the information's coming from.]
Might be.
[Pointing it out lightly, but he's not talking about what she means.]
Don't know if it's true.
[That so called "fact" could actually be a load of crap, except that they have no idea.]
That's just as bad! Either we've got someone who's getting information the rest of us aren't party to and sneaking it out, or we've got someone deliberately spreading lies. It might be a big ship, but it's a small community.
[The food is forgotten again; she's anxiously bouncing the bowl of the spoon off her knee and not aware she's doing it.]
If we're lucky it's just some self-important psycho playing some kind of game to amuse themselves. But if we're not? I would really like to know where this is coming from and why.
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Mm. I'll remember that. [She won't ask, though. Murphy's probably as cut up about this as she is, he just handles it differently.] This is good.
What did you want to talk about?
[Because he's avoiding it, and that makes her nervous.]
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Takeshi's lock. [One tap of the spoon to the edge of the container; he's numbering things off.] Your lock. Ward an' Resnik.
[Which sounds like it's unrelated but given what locked conversations he has access to, he doubts it. A few taps as he glances over at her and he puts the spoon down again, lowers his voice until it's so quiet she might have to lean in to catch it.]
They're missing. Don't know anything else yet.
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Shit.
[Real eloquent, Heather, well done. But he already said that's all the information he has, there's no point in peppering him with the million questions that spring to mind.]
Ward and Resnik go missing just when two guys who ought to be dead show up demanding to see the captain. That's not suspicious at all. [Huff.] Well, it's not like they were around much anyway.
Do we know if access to anything we'd normally need access to is affected? I mean the gardens are fine, obviously, and this place seems okay. No problems in engineering they're keeping quiet?
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Everything else seems normal. So far.
[He leans back and sighs, launches into the reason he's telling her and not Russia - he's hoping she won't blab, even though he can guess what she'll think of it. Maybe he should've kept it to himself but he needed to discuss it someone and it's part of the reason for being such a pain in the ass about codes to go along with the locks.]
They're not tellin' everyone unless something else happens. Just department heads. Don't want some idiot to try another mutiny.
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Or maybe this place is just making her more cynical than normal.
Still, no matter the reason he chose her she's glad he did. And "they" - security, she presumes - are right. She can think of three people off the top of her head who'd take the news as a cue to storm the bridge.]
Right. As long as everything's still working, morons thinking they can take over and fly home is a way bigger risk. Business as usual until there's a solid lead or clear danger. 's a good plan.
[oh, click]
That's why you were getting antsy about the room access thing?
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[He taps his wrist, outlining the shapes of the tattoo with his fingers. It's the first time he's really paid attention to the fact that the jumpsuits are designed to show off the damned things, and he frowns at the SCI before lingering on the 002. Keeps them there, worrying at it, a push and drag over the skin that he doesn't even notice because he looks at her and wonders if his speculations will do more harm than good. She hates being in the dark, but he doesn't want her to break, either. If she's having him take care of the mask it's gotta be bad.]
Takeshi's oh-one-one.
[A lick of his lips and - maybe he should leave it there but she'll think of it soon if she hasn't already. The only person who should have access to Takeshi's room is Takeshi, as far as he's concerned.]
If somethin' happens he needs to be able to lock himself - [his frown falters, no, that's not the right wording] - to keep us out if he has to.
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A broadcast about impostors, and then the sudden reappearance of passengers who'd been reported dead. She could kick herself for not putting it together sooner (but then again, she did take a blow to the head right after the broadcast) and she closes her eyes for a moment, taking a slow breath.]
He said they'd be checking passengers nanites to make sure they were who they said they were. But something they were doing didn't turn out right, because they're all toast.
[She groans, rubs at the back of her neck - it's not just frustration, sleeping in a chair is a shitty idea - and shakes her head.]
I thought bringing him closer would make him safer. I could keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't go running off trying to save the damn world every time something goes down. Damn it.
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[She got most of his worries in one, and he's back to drumming his fingers - along his wrist this time - as he nods, throws her a grim sort of agreement. It's a lot easier to discuss it with her, which means that it's hard to keep from rolling out all of his worries all at once, sure that she'll be able to follow along no problem. Kind of like talking to Konoe in that way. And in this instance she probably feels about as raw as Konoe can. (In the back of his mind he makes a note to bring the locks up with Konoe, too.)]
S'why you need a backup, on yours.
[Just making a point to say that first, because she's not thinking about herself at all is she. Not thinking about herself by staying down here, either, and his eyes narrow a bit as he watches her work at her neck.]
Is safer, unless somethin' happens - like that - or when half the damn ship got the plague. We'd be first.
[And he doesn't mean the first to get the plague. Illness, though, you could call it that.]
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[Not that it's a solution, really. Still not going to help if the actual people end up twisted and wrong, or if the impostors somehow pick up information from the originals, but it's better than nothing and if it'll give him peace of mind it's worthwhile.
She'll have to do it, too. She's pretty sure he's not above coming to her room just to see if the door still opens for him. It's a little overprotective and paternal, but right now she's not as uncomfortable with the idea as she maybe should be. Leans in towards him a little, bumping her shoulder against his arm.]
I'm not gonna tell Takeshi. Don't wanna scare him. But I won't help him program anyone in and I'll make sure he knows to be careful. He's still got access to his old room too, he can go there if things get bad.
[But the thought of things going that far is rough, and she plants her elbow on her knees and her face in her hands, sighing into her palms. Sometimes it feels like the whole ship's just holding its breath, waiting for the next round of shit to hit the fan. Waiting for the incident they won't be able to beat, the disaster they won't recover from.]
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Right. Not many people left anyway. An' he could beat up half the floor, if he had to.
[For the most part it's good that Takeshi's that strong, but there's still an edge of annoyance in the statement. The part where it's not good is dangerous, has been or it's been a near miss, for him and Kazama and even the kid himself. It's shoved aside quick enough as he takes a long, quiet moment to watch her, surprised when it kind of pangs to see the way she holds herself, screams fix it at him almost as insistently as if she was crying rather than looking completely morose.
Enough time for a deep breath and he wraps his arm around her to tug her close, reaches to grab her spoon and he's not sure if that's a tease or a threat.]
Y'look -
[Sad. Tired. Worried. Stressed. Too thin in too many different ways and rumpled and not exactly ragged but. Something. He's not sure why he even started to say anything, seems useless to point it out when she probably knows.]
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[It's too easy to move with the press of his arm, to lean her head in to his shoulder. It's one of the things that scares her the most about what they've heard, what might be happening. She spent a long time - not for him, but definitely for her - alone after her father died. And yeah, part of that was just being fucked up, but a good deal of it was believing that loving people just gave life another way to hurt you. If he came to her door, offering comfort or asking for it - if Takeshi came in tears, or Alex hurt and confused - she'd let them in before she'd think to interrogate them, to make sure they were real.]
Thanks for taking the mask, by the way. I just... have a bad feeling. Don't want it there when I get back.
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Don't hafta thank me for that. Suck if somethin' happened.
[She really, really doesn't have to thank him, but the thought of saying anything else leaves him with a gross feeling while they're like this. Not that he knows what else to say, so silently holding her and listening might have to do.]
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[There's an air of the confessional about it, but it the first time she's ever been on this side of that grille. He pulls her tighter and she loops an arm around his waist, both grateful and opportunistic, figuring that once she finishes what she's trying to say she's not going to have a leg to stand on if he pushes her away and calls her a damn fool.]
I nearly put it on. When Murphy was missing. It's the only time I've held it and not just felt... shame. And fear. After everything I know about what they do, I still nearly put it on.
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Should've asked someone sooner.
[Of course it's easy to say that now, when he's the one she gave it to after all.]
Lot harder to get rid of it, after the first time. [A hum, because when he thinks about what she's said before he figures she'd be like him. After it showed him what he wanted there was no going back.] Second time.
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Kinda sad, when the only person you can trust with your burden is a person you couldn't trust with his own.]
Whatever, it's done now.
[And she doesn't sound happy about that, but it's disappointment in herself that weighs the words down rather than any desire for the thing. She lifts a hand, slowly turning the container of soup around on the tray. It's an idle, distracted sort of movement, a mirror to the way her thoughts loop around.]
Murph's back. Alex is... stable. Something's up with the bridge, but nothing that puts anyone in immediate danger. I guess the most I have to worry about right now is figuring out a way to tell if my friends are really my friends or messed-up creepy doppelgangers. It's practically a holiday.
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She doesn't and he's happy to drop it anyway, sure that if they keep talking about it she'll second-guess the decision. Although if she doesn't use that spoon to eat, soon, he's going to start bitching or take some drastic measures or both.]
Questions might work. Somethin' only you'd know, that kinda shit.
[He doesn't sound very sure as to whether it would work or not. Wouldn't, if your impostor had your memories.]
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[Not the same thing, she knows, but she can't help thinking of the demon. It had been inside her body and had access to all her memories, and it had done a lot of damage before anybody figured out Christo. Trying to think of ways to beat a threat before they know what the threat is takes more energy than she has right now. Just focus on what you know, Heather.
Or what you don't. A very obvious question that should have occurred to her right away filters through the fog and makes her tense up, stiffening against him.]
Who's flying the ship?
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Autopilot. Shoulda asked more questions, but, uh. Was talkin' about the department.
[Always been the can't see the forest for the trees type. Whoops.]
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What do you know? Where's the information coming from? Is anybody doing anything about it?
[She punctuates by sticking a spoonful of soup in her mouth, which isn't a conscious encouragement to get him to play along so much as an indication that it's His Turn to talk.
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[Of course, there's also Where's the Information Coming From Pt. II, but that answer is easier to show than tell. He digs his comms out of his pocket and spends a few minutes bringing this up. Shows her, even if he doesn't let go of the thing, just waits to see if she sees what he sees there.]
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I never actually read this. I just assumed it was gonna be really condescending.
[And she's... not wrong. After the first two questions - the second of which she really wishes she'd read the first time the thing went out - it seems to degenerate pretty quickly. But if there's something hidden there, some big clue, she's way too worn-out to see it.]
Is this the same as the first one? Do we know how long those two got away with lying to us about where we're going?
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Dunno. Only started checkin' it a couple jumps ago.
[The more annoying thing to him:]
Don't remember an announcement. Ever.
[Why the hell is it in the FAQ if no one else seems to know it? He glances over at her with a frown, wondering if it happened and blew over before he started paying attention or maybe when he was out of it or - something.]
fffff
[She sets her jaw, clenches her teeth so hard it actually clicks. Keeping what may be a temporary situation under wraps for the safety of the ship is one thing, but this seems so calculatedly underhanded. Never making an announcement, just putting the information somewhere where new faces won't think to question it and the people who've been around a while generally won't have reason to look.]
This is bullshit.
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Might be.
[Pointing it out lightly, but he's not talking about what she means.]
Don't know if it's true.
[That so called "fact" could actually be a load of crap, except that they have no idea.]
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[The food is forgotten again; she's anxiously bouncing the bowl of the spoon off her knee and not aware she's doing it.]
If we're lucky it's just some self-important psycho playing some kind of game to amuse themselves. But if we're not? I would really like to know where this is coming from and why.
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