I - [what he wants to do is just shut it down, no, no he can't and that's that - and he shakes his head - but she deserves an attempt at it. So he heaves out a breath and tries to Words.]
[She might not understand, but she thinks she does. Thinks that he can't leave for the same reason she felt trapped, even before the threat of other people in their space. There's so much established there, ghosts of better times - Russia's room, Takeshi's room. The bathroom of the bubble beards. Their rooms, where they'd been able to tangle up in each other and forget where they were, if just for a little while. He needs to keep things - his possessions, his people, his places. She can't help feeling like she needs to be away from them if she's going to feel anything that isn't regret, mourning.]
[She's close, she has the crux of it. A place, to him, to his kind, is much more than a place. It's life, it's them - all of those thoughts are right. 002 means bubble beards and breakdowns in bathrooms and hundreds of silent breakfasts that carve themselves into his soul like a groove into a brain. Fuck, maybe they do carve themselves in that way.
But he doesn't see it from her point of view - that she needs the distance.]
[Ouch. The first thing has her physically cringing, face twisting into a mask of upset, relieved he can't actually see her. She wants to argue, wants to prove it, but even in the state she's in she knows she can't do that with words. Probably the only thing he'd take as proof would be her coming back; but if she burns out, dashes herself to pieces on the walls of all her doubts, what the hell good is her love going to do him?
Instead:]
But I know. You wouldn't -
[Sorry, Netherlands, it's crying again. Noisy and wet and gross, right into the communicator like that.]
No reason to keep me around like this if you didn't. I just -
[Worry that he's not in love with her anymore. There's a difference.]
[Just later. She hasn't thought that far ahead, just knows she doesn't want to fight over their communicators any more, and definitely doesn't want to see him just yet. Although for the first time since the jump it's not because she's uncomfortable - after all the yelling, she's a little scared.
Just later isn't going to help, though. She's not such a mess she doesn't realize that would just set him off again. Silence, for a while, then.]
Tomorrow? [The smallest stutter there. Is it too soon?] After work?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's not here.
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[She might not understand, but she thinks she does. Thinks that he can't leave for the same reason she felt trapped, even before the threat of other people in their space. There's so much established there, ghosts of better times - Russia's room, Takeshi's room. The bathroom of the bubble beards. Their rooms, where they'd been able to tangle up in each other and forget where they were, if just for a little while. He needs to keep things - his possessions, his people, his places. She can't help feeling like she needs to be away from them if she's going to feel anything that isn't regret, mourning.]
That's... okay. That's fine.
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But he doesn't see it from her point of view - that she needs the distance.]
Right.
[Dully. Resigned.]
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[Hate me, is what she's thinking, because in a way that leaden acceptance is worse than when he was yelling.]
I love you. I still love you. You know that, right?
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No.
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You can't hear it. When I say it.
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Instead:]
But I know. You wouldn't -
[Sorry, Netherlands, it's crying again. Noisy and wet and gross, right into the communicator like that.]
No reason to keep me around like this if you didn't. I just -
[Worry that he's not in love with her anymore. There's a difference.]
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[And in that is supposed to be every nuance he can't say aloud.]
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When.
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Just later isn't going to help, though. She's not such a mess she doesn't realize that would just set him off again. Silence, for a while, then.]
Tomorrow? [The smallest stutter there. Is it too soon?] After work?
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[Resigned, but there's no argument. Tomorrow. Alright. Specifics are good.]
Here, right.
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[Quiet, but sure.]
I -
See you then.
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[Disconnect.