[His eyes say so much more than the rest of him does, and now is no exception. He's worried. He thinks he fucked it all up. He's worrying over the worst of things, that Takeshi ran out into the middle of the ship or curled up to someone who shouldn't be near him or is confused and scared and most of all alone.]
Yeah.
[Factual. Just as sharp in return, but nothing about it has to do with her. It's just easier that way.]
[More than enough. Her eyes leave his face, casting about the room to see if anything's gone that might give some sort of clue to Takeshi's location (nothing is, that she can see - apparently when he left, he just plain left) and her right hand balling up at her side, so tight her knuckles pop.]
[She doesn't know anything, but she's got an idea and it's not a nice one. If she's right then she really fucked up, and it's hard to imagine him doing any better.]
[Netherlands. Of all the fucking times to start tiptoeing around you pick now? She takes a breath, sets her jaw and looks him in the eye, making no secret of the way she's trying to get the answer even if he won't give it willingly.]
[Not like she was expecting better, but it's way worse knowing they both fucked it up at the same time.
The little guy must feel so alone. It's like a fist to the gut, and rather than look at Takeshi's empty room and the hopeful little drawings in there she turns it outward, to anger.]
You get what he was asking us for, don't you. Why he might feel like he'd need that here.
[Oh, he cares. It's just easier to function when he's completely closed up and right now he has to be able to function, can't afford a breakdown or panic attack or - argument, definitely not - which is probably what is going to happen but he turns and reaches out to grab her arm anyway.
Because keeping her from doing something stupid is equally as important.]
[Her eyes flare when he grabs her arm and she jerks it back - not really caring if it even comes out of his grip ( by now she knows it won't, unless he wants to let it), so long as he sees that she is Not Happy About It. She'd figured it out, god damn it, and then the kid took off before she had the chance to fix it.]
Us. He asked me if I want to be a mom, and by the time I realized what he was really asking me something scared him off. I have to find him.
[Brick. Wall. Everything about him is so carefully neutral it's almost polished, except a flicker of frustration as his fingers tighten involuntarily when she tries to jerk away. He doesn't let her go (can't, actually, and if that isn't a little alarming).]
What was - [Takeshi asking, but now isn't the time - there's no huff and hardly a pause between the topic switch, and the only tell that he even noticed that barbed something of hers is that his eyes go to the floor, hidden away from hers.] Where are you going, then.
[The implication being and you're holding me up. No trace of doubt about it working; she's done it before, why shouldn't she able to do it again? But he's hurting, and even if he's just holed up here with someone else she needs to find him, needs to explain.]
[Not looking at her face, so he'll probably miss the way her eyes narrow at that first remark. He won't miss the way her hand rises to his and starts trying to pry his fingers away, though.]
He's not an errand you can just send somebody to run for you! He needs to know that somebody gives a shit! I can find him, I've done it before. I've always been able to find people.
[...do that, but it's too late and he scowls when his grip just tightens in response. It has nothing to do with how pissed he suddenly is, even though the change in demeanor swiftly follows his hand locking up.]
An errand - are you fucking - [his voice cracks on that one] - you think I don't give a shit?! Getting people who'd be better at this than we are doesn't mean I don't give a shit, just means I have some common goddamn sense!
[And you haven't always, but he bites that one back and settles for a tight jaw and a furious, unrelenting glare down at her.]
[Apparently he can look her in the eye all of a sudden, and she almost - almost - wants to back down. He wouldn't mean to hurt the kid, she knows that, but she also knows that doesn't make it hurt any less when he does.
She should have figured it out faster. If she'd been on the other line saying all the right things while Netherlands was apparently saying all the wrong ones then Takeshi would have come to her instead of wherever he's gone, she'd be holding him and explaining instead of standing here trying to think of a way to do what she used to do -
- but guilt, fear, they slow her down. Anger, that's what gets her through. She glares right back, and her voice drops in pitch and volume.]
[There's a desperate edge to it that he doesn't want to hear, was afraid he might hear, because with him that's always been the turning point where shit got ugly - things get a lot less rational, a lot more messy. And it can't get messy, there's no time for it, but telling himself that doesn't stop the feeling or the grimace that mars his face as worry starts to seep in with the anger.
[Not the corridors. He might be sad and hurt but he's good, a good kid. She already knows it takes more than a betrayal to stop him from being loyal, he won't go where they've told him he shouldn't. Somewhere he can feel safe. Upper floors of the passenger decks, or the gardens - but how likely that is when he knows they both work there she's not sure.
It'd be a lot easier to think if he'd let go of her goddamn arm. She barely even notices she's pulling on it.]
Not out - [His lips flatten and he huffs, watching her try to pull away. Does she even know what she's doing with that? Probably not.] Stop trying to get away. You're makin' it worse.
[Pointedly staring at his hand, gone a little shaky with how hard he's trying not to put more force into his grasp. Ironically it'd be a hell of a lot easier to let go if Takeshi was around, this probably looks bad - though it doesn't seem to worry her like it's worrying him. Just. Pissing her off.]
[It's not worrying her. Making her angry, yeah, but it's not until he says that and she follows the line of his vision to his hand that she realizes he's not just being an ass about it. Does he get a pass on using his greater strength to get his own way if the only reason it's so bad is the mask?
She stops pulling, but it's a tense stillness. A steel-spined quiet in which she stares at his eyes and tamps down the childish urge to pop him in the nose for not playing fair, or the decidedly nastier urge to flat-out ask him whether, if she jerked away as hard as she could, he'd be able to let go or he'd just pull her arm from its socket. Ignores the last part, because there's nothing she can say that she wouldn't regret later, and frowns. She doesn't need to hear the rest of the sentence to know what it was going to be.]
[Christ, the thought of Takeshi being distraught enough to run away turns his stomach and the guilt he's been shoving aside in order to focus on the problem hits him hard enough that he sucks in a breath. Swiftly ducks his head and shuts his eyes while scrubbing a hand over his face, voice strained as he curses.]
Goddamn it.
[That is not going to help find Takeshi any faster, so he pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to center himself, shifts his grip so that he's holding her hand instead of her arm. Nods. Finally drops his hand from his face and opens his eyes again even if he doesn't feel like facing her disappointment.]
[Because he is not, unlike certain other people in the room who are too worried to recognize the irony in having such a thought, a reckless little shit.
Seeing Netherlands actually show his concern softens her a little, drains some of the fight from her. Having him hold her hand instead of her arm isn't exactly an improvement - at least the arm felt honest - but she sighs, nods, starts to agree and interrupts herself.]
Wait.
[Her hand goes from limply tolerating his grip to an insistent squeeze as the thought hits.]
If you see him, what're you gonna say?
[The kid can run like a steam engine, and they already know he's perfectly capable of throwing the man. If he gets it wrong again, she might have to cancel her bet on the hallways deal.]
[He's holding her hand more for his personal reassurance than out of a wish to keep her in place. She doesn't look like she's going to take off at any second and she's said she wouldn't search out there, and unless Takeshi makes a break for it he believes her - so he's pretty sure he could let go if he wanted to. But she squeezes his hand and he squeezes back automatically, chin jerking up as he snaps to attention, only for his face to fall, shoulders slightly slumped because he has no fucking clue.]
I dunno. [The other hand rakes through his hair as he frowns.] What should I... [Sigh.] Besides apologize.
[Even he's not that horrible at socialization. Definitely gotta apologize. But the rest he desperately needs some guidance with and even if Heather isn't great at tact in general she's wonderful with Takeshi.]
And tell 'im - mm.
[Easier to show than say, so he reaches up to lightly tap two fingers over her heart.]
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Yeah.
[Factual. Just as sharp in return, but nothing about it has to do with her. It's just easier that way.]
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He start asking you things about family?
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[At that he tilts his head, more than curious, bordering on demanding; Heather, what do you know.]
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[She doesn't know anything, but she's got an idea and it's not a nice one. If she's right then she really fucked up, and it's hard to imagine him doing any better.]
What'd you say to him?
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[She is going to punch him, isn't she, he shifts his weight and squares his shoulders in some sort of subconscious preparation.]
Had a disagreement.
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What did you say?
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I - said I wasn't good family.
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[Not like she was expecting better, but it's way worse knowing they both fucked it up at the same time.
The little guy must feel so alone. It's like a fist to the gut, and rather than look at Takeshi's empty room and the hopeful little drawings in there she turns it outward, to anger.]
You get what he was asking us for, don't you. Why he might feel like he'd need that here.
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and she's standing here talking to him, slamming her head against a brick wall instead of doing something about it.]
Get out of my way.
[He's not... actually in her way. That doesn't stop her shouldering past him.]
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Because keeping her from doing something stupid is equally as important.]
Us.
[Netherlands that is kind of a belated inquiry.]
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Us. He asked me if I want to be a mom, and by the time I realized what he was really asking me something scared him off. I have to find him.
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What was - [Takeshi asking, but now isn't the time - there's no huff and hardly a pause between the topic switch, and the only tell that he even noticed that barbed something of hers is that his eyes go to the floor, hidden away from hers.] Where are you going, then.
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[The implication being and you're holding me up. No trace of doubt about it working; she's done it before, why shouldn't she able to do it again? But he's hurting, and even if he's just holed up here with someone else she needs to find him, needs to explain.]
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[Eyes back up from the floor, but he's staring at his hand like it's a puzzle. Or maybe a lock - say the right thing and it'll open.]
I'm gonna call Jaye, or Ty- [Ah.] Maybe ask Lodewijk, first.
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He's not an errand you can just send somebody to run for you! He needs to know that somebody gives a shit! I can find him, I've done it before. I've always been able to find people.
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[...do that, but it's too late and he scowls when his grip just tightens in response. It has nothing to do with how pissed he suddenly is, even though the change in demeanor swiftly follows his hand locking up.]
An errand - are you fucking - [his voice cracks on that one] - you think I don't give a shit?! Getting people who'd be better at this than we are doesn't mean I don't give a shit, just means I have some common goddamn sense!
[And you haven't always, but he bites that one back and settles for a tight jaw and a furious, unrelenting glare down at her.]
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She should have figured it out faster. If she'd been on the other line saying all the right things while Netherlands was apparently saying all the wrong ones then Takeshi would have come to her instead of wherever he's gone, she'd be holding him and explaining instead of standing here trying to think of a way to do what she used to do -
- but guilt, fear, they slow her down. Anger, that's what gets her through. She glares right back, and her voice drops in pitch and volume.]
Let go.
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[There's a desperate edge to it that he doesn't want to hear, was afraid he might hear, because with him that's always been the turning point where shit got ugly - things get a lot less rational, a lot more messy. And it can't get messy, there's no time for it, but telling himself that doesn't stop the feeling or the grimace that mars his face as worry starts to seep in with the anger.
They can't both leave him. They can't.]
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[Not the corridors. He might be sad and hurt but he's good, a good kid. She already knows it takes more than a betrayal to stop him from being loyal, he won't go where they've told him he shouldn't. Somewhere he can feel safe. Upper floors of the passenger decks, or the gardens - but how likely that is when he knows they both work there she's not sure.
It'd be a lot easier to think if he'd let go of her goddamn arm. She barely even notices she's pulling on it.]
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[Pointedly staring at his hand, gone a little shaky with how hard he's trying not to put more force into his grasp. Ironically it'd be a hell of a lot easier to let go if Takeshi was around, this probably looks bad - though it doesn't seem to worry her like it's worrying him. Just. Pissing her off.]
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She stops pulling, but it's a tense stillness. A steel-spined quiet in which she stares at his eyes and tamps down the childish urge to pop him in the nose for not playing fair, or the decidedly nastier urge to flat-out ask him whether, if she jerked away as hard as she could, he'd be able to let go or he'd just pull her arm from its socket. Ignores the last part, because there's nothing she can say that she wouldn't regret later, and frowns. She doesn't need to hear the rest of the sentence to know what it was going to be.]
I'm not gonna look for him where he won't be.
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[Christ, the thought of Takeshi being distraught enough to run away turns his stomach and the guilt he's been shoving aside in order to focus on the problem hits him hard enough that he sucks in a breath. Swiftly ducks his head and shuts his eyes while scrubbing a hand over his face, voice strained as he curses.]
Goddamn it.
[That is not going to help find Takeshi any faster, so he pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to center himself, shifts his grip so that he's holding her hand instead of her arm. Nods. Finally drops his hand from his face and opens his eyes again even if he doesn't feel like facing her disappointment.]
Okay. I'll try Lodewijk first, this floor.
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[Because he is not, unlike certain other people in the room who are too worried to recognize the irony in having such a thought, a reckless little shit.
Seeing Netherlands actually show his concern softens her a little, drains some of the fight from her. Having him hold her hand instead of her arm isn't exactly an improvement - at least the arm felt honest - but she sighs, nods, starts to agree and interrupts herself.]
Wait.
[Her hand goes from limply tolerating his grip to an insistent squeeze as the thought hits.]
If you see him, what're you gonna say?
[The kid can run like a steam engine, and they already know he's perfectly capable of throwing the man. If he gets it wrong again, she might have to cancel her bet on the hallways deal.]
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I dunno. [The other hand rakes through his hair as he frowns.] What should I... [Sigh.] Besides apologize.
[Even he's not that horrible at socialization. Definitely gotta apologize. But the rest he desperately needs some guidance with and even if Heather isn't great at tact in general she's wonderful with Takeshi.]
And tell 'im - mm.
[Easier to show than say, so he reaches up to lightly tap two fingers over her heart.]
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