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No.
I want it to be. But you can't fix something by shoving the same broken parts back in and hoping.
I want it to be. But you can't fix something by shoving the same broken parts back in and hoping.
[Oh. Oh.]
Not leaving. Moving. I just changed floor, I'm not leaving you.
Not leaving. Moving. I just changed floor, I'm not leaving you.
That's s-
I don't understand how. It's not like we shared a room. I'm still here, I'm still talking to you. I just wanna have my breakdown in private.
I don't understand how. It's not like we shared a room. I'm still here, I'm still talking to you. I just wanna have my breakdown in private.
Can you at least try to understand why I need this?
I went to medbay. About not being able to feel the leg? They said it's psychosomatic. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm the faulty part. And I should've figured that out on my own, 'cause it only happens when I'm - when I feel like I'm -
wrong.
wrong.
[There's skepticism in her voice - that doesn't hold too much weight, coming from him. Given... circumstances.]
It's gonna work a lot better than staying on our floor and having it crap out on me every time I think someone's looking at me funny.
It's gonna work a lot better than staying on our floor and having it crap out on me every time I think someone's looking at me funny.
What will? I would love to defer to your superior knowledge and vast experience of having a missing fucking limb!
That's not - ! [A sound that's closer to a snarl of frustration than anything else.] How the hell is being alone going to fucking fix it?! It's not -
[just exasperated noises and a huff, he knows what he wants to say but has no idea how to make it into Words.]
[just exasperated noises and a huff, he knows what he wants to say but has no idea how to make it into Words.]
Nothing's going to fix it! Part of me is missing. It's gone, and I'd rather not have to figure out how to deal with that dragging what's left around in front of a bunch of strangers, trying to figure out if they pity me or if they're just glad it wasn't them! I can barely handle that when it's just you!
[It's quiet for a very long time, the only noise his breathing and the scrape of the chair as he sits at the desk. Another snick of the lighter as he chain-smokes his way through his thoughts.
Nothing's going to fix it - not what he meant, but clarifying is on the bottom of the list of priorities given the rest. There's the hint that the move might not be permanent, and it's tempting to dwell on that, poke it until he can get a promise from her if not a set date. But it's also enough to pull him back into a more rational mindset, and so he has the presence of mind to decide that that can wait, too.
Which means:]
I don't. Think that, I mean.
[Surely she doesn't think he does, right.]
Nothing's going to fix it - not what he meant, but clarifying is on the bottom of the list of priorities given the rest. There's the hint that the move might not be permanent, and it's tempting to dwell on that, poke it until he can get a promise from her if not a set date. But it's also enough to pull him back into a more rational mindset, and so he has the presence of mind to decide that that can wait, too.
Which means:]
I don't. Think that, I mean.
[Surely she doesn't think he does, right.]
Maybe not.
[It follows a silence not nearly as long as his - during which she curled herself into a ball on her new bed and chewed at her lip until the taste of blood stopped her - but (miracle of miracles) it's not actually bitchy. Quiet, vulnerable and a little hesitant, but not cruel.]
Maybe you should. I know you're trying, but - it's so different. And I get why, I do, but I miss the way we were. I miss how I was.
[It follows a silence not nearly as long as his - during which she curled herself into a ball on her new bed and chewed at her lip until the taste of blood stopped her - but (miracle of miracles) it's not actually bitchy. Quiet, vulnerable and a little hesitant, but not cruel.]
Maybe you should. I know you're trying, but - it's so different. And I get why, I do, but I miss the way we were. I miss how I was.
[She can hear the panic, and it hurts. She could say no. Go back. Try to make nice with whoever ends up on their floor, try to talk to him about everything she's worried about.
But right now, she's just not strong enough. Her answer's strained, croaky.]
I just need some time. A - a reset, maybe. I want to be better, but I can't get there while I'm worrying about what people think of me.
But right now, she's just not strong enough. Her answer's strained, croaky.]
I just need some time. A - a reset, maybe. I want to be better, but I can't get there while I'm worrying about what people think of me.
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